


walk to oblivion

by drowsilybearzerk



Category: Phantasy Star (Video Games), Phantasy Star Online 2
Genre: Freeform, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Memory Related, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26837395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowsilybearzerk/pseuds/drowsilybearzerk
Summary: are you going to age without mistakes? (or, the inherent trauma of not dying.)
Relationships: Gettemhult / Melfonseana (implied)
Kudos: 6





	walk to oblivion

**Author's Note:**

> title is from bastille's "walk to oblivion," obv. recommended listening: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wTtuT2yZ-w

Ten years ago, Zeno was 17 and found out that ARKS operatives were disposable. A set of toy soldiers, cheap plastic poured into a mold to replace the next one that broke.

Gettemhult _was_ a hardass -- he was tough on rookies, but especially on Zeno. But in that was a wealth of knowledge and protectiveness, and despite his complaints, Zeno was glad to call him his senior and his friend. Gettemhult was the ideal operative -- he was courageous, he was steadfast, he was strong --

He was --

He was --

He was --

Gettemhult _was_.

Ten years ago, falspawn descended on an ARKS ship that no one spoke of in name anymore, and Gettemhult died.

_That wasn’t quite accurate._

Melfonseana died and took Gettemhult with her, consumed in such a way that there was no corpse to bury. Devoured voraciously by a darkness that Zeno, nor Gettemhult, nor Melrandia, nor Echo -- nor anyone else could push back, save for an act of a God that Zeno no longer believed in.

(In other people, he still believed. But there was no higher power looking over them, he was certain. They had to look out for each other.)

_Still not right._

Seana died, and the falspawn consumed her entirely. Willing or not, she took part of Gettemhult with her.

_Right --_

Seana didn’t die -- she was right by Gettemhult the whole time.

 _Gettemhult was concussed, bleeding from a large set of gashes on his face and along his scalp,_ but Zeno saw Melfonseana die. He saw that Melrandia--

_“Please, stop this!” --_

who should have never been on the ship --

~~_Are you going to leave a path to trace?_ ~~

"Oh! You were here this whole time…”

**“Seana."**

Gettemhult spent maybe three days in the medbay, returned to fieldwork after he was deemed in working condition. Zeno wasn’t sure of the length of time -- he’d been reassigned shortly after, training under Regius.

(Zeno had another two months of training before they decided to throw him into the maws, too.)

The Gettemhult that had been discharged was not the Gettemhult that Zeno knew. He was confused, agitated, aggressive -- more so than he was before. More so than he’d ever been.

Melrandia was gone. Seana was fine --

Seana was not fine.

_Melrandia was not fine._

**Gettemhult was not fine.**

But what mattered is that the pair of them could still kill, _kill,_ **kill** and that was an ARKS operative’s only purpose, to eradicate the falspawn and Dark Falz and --

And gather materials from other planets that never asked for help,

or run errands, 

or whatever kept the war machine running.

Each year, the molds would be refilled, new playthings, and new child soldiers.

Each year, Gettemhult stepped closer and closer to the edge of oblivion.

Zeno dropped the rifle and picked up a sword, and it wasn’t his aptitude, but he failed --

He failed to save anyone. He’d kept Gettemhult and Mel ~~randia~~ fonseana alive, but they were far from saved.

Was he even remembering this right?

They  survived. They were not _alive_.

Zeno picked up a sword and decided to take Gettemhult’s place. He would take care of the new recruits, even when no one else would look after them.

(Even if this newest one had a sweet tooth for trouble.)

He did this for ten years, even when he was 18 and the newest was 17. When he was 19 and they were 17, when he was 20, 21, 22, 23 --

Ten years, and Gettemhult grew colder and angrier. Maybe not angrier, but hateful. Maybe not hateful.

Ten years, and while Gettemhult was able to skip ahead in training classes he failed to make it past denial in the stages of grief.

Ten years,

and Zeno had let it go on.

The theft of Clarissa, the revival of Elder, the second death of Seana --

This was the natural conclusion of the path Gettemhult had walked --

No.

The path he’d been forced on.

“You always take it further than I ever can.”

Ten years,

And Gettemhult dies.

Elder the Gargantuan, no less violent, takes his place.

Matoi, the new recruit, Echo --

He hopes Echo will live a long happy life without him --

Zeno sends them home. Casra, he knows, won’t stay in this fight long. There’s no shame in retreating, but Zeno will finish this.

Ten years.

He thinks 27 isn’t so bad an age to die.


End file.
